Why Kids Struggle to Talk About Their Feelings - And What Parents Can Do to Help

You ask, “What’s wrong?” and your child shrugs. Or they explode in anger, slam the door, and leave you guessing. As a parent, it can be frustrating and confusing when your child can’t (or won’t) talk about their feelings. But there’s usually more going on beneath the surface. There are many reasons why kids struggle to talk about their feelings, here are some: 

1. They Don’t Have the Words Yet
   Many kids simply don’t have the vocabulary to name what they’re feeling. “Mad,” “sad,” and “fine” become the go to words, because they don’t yet know how to say, “I’m disappointed,” “I feel left out,” or “I’m overwhelmed.”
2. They Don’t Understand What They’re Feeling
   Sometimes emotions are layered or confusing. A child might feel both excited and nervous about a party, or angry and ashamed after yelling. Without guidance, these mixed emotions can feel impossible to untangle, let alone explain.
3. They’re Worried About Getting in Trouble or Being Judged
   Some kids learn that certain feelings, like anger, jealousy, or sadness, aren’t “okay” to show. So instead of talking, they shut down or act out.
4. Their Brain Is Still Developing
   The parts of the brain that manage emotion, language, and self-awareness are still developing throughout childhood. That means emotions often come out through behaviour like yelling, hiding, crying, not neatly worded explanations.

What You Can Do: 

1. Get Curious, Not Critical
   When your child is struggling, swap “Why did you do that?” for “I wonder what made that so hard for you?” Curiosity opens the door for connection.
2. Name Feelings in Real Time
   Help your child build emotional language by gently naming what you observe. Over time this helps them connect physical signals and behaviour to specific feelings. 

 “You look really disappointed.”
“I wonder if you’re feeling nervous about school?”
“You’re clenching your fists - are you feeling angry?”

3. Normalise All Emotions
   Let them know that it’s okay to feel angry, sad, jealous, scared. You don’t have to fix the feeling, just make space for it, for example,  “It’s okay to be mad. I’m here with you while you feel it.”
4. Offer Non-Verbal Ways to Express Emotions
   Talking isn’t the only way. Some kids, actually, a lot of kids, process their emotions more easily through action, play, or creativity. You can offer:

• Drawing or using colours to show how they feel
  
  
• Movement like jumping, running, or dancing out big energy
  
  
• Sensory tools like playdough or water play to release tension
  
  
• Storytelling or puppets to explore emotions through characters
  
  
• Music, creating a playlist that matches how they feel
  
  

These non verbal tools give kids a safe outlet and can be stepping stones to talking when they’re ready.

5. Model Emotional Expression Yourself
   Share your own emotional world in simple, age appropriate ways to show them that feelings are normal and manageable!
   “I felt overwhelmed earlier, so I took some deep breaths.”
   “I was a bit nervous about today, but talking about it helped.”
6. Choose the Right Moment
   Trying to talk during a meltdown rarely works. Wait for a calm moment, maybe while driving, playing, or cuddling at bedtime (maybe the day after if it’s a big meltdown) when your child feels safe and more open to connection. 

Some kids aren’t ready or able to talk about their feelings. Expression can look like scribbles, stomping, silence, or cuddles. What matters is helping them feel seen, not forcing them to speak before they’re ready. By offering words, modelling openness, and creating safe, non verbal outlets, you're giving your child the tools to better understand and express themselves, at their own pace, in their own way.