Wildflower Holistic Services - Principal Psychologist Alexandra McCarthy

Welcome to the final instalment of our Transition to School blog series - where we tackle a common challenge: managing after-school meltdowns. As the initial excitement of the school year settles and routines become more established, many parents find themselves facing the familiar scenario of after-school chaos. 

After a long day of navigating the demands of the classroom, children often arrive home exhausted, both mentally and emotionally. This transition from the structured school environment to the comfort of home can trigger a release of pent-up emotions, leading to what we refer to as the "after-school meltdown" So, what's behind these post-school outbursts? Well, think of it like this: throughout the school day, children expend a tremendous amount of energy after spending all day following classroom expectations, fitting into social circles, navigating friendships, and keeping up with school work. Especially for our neurodivergent or anxious kids, the school environment can be overwhelming/overstimulating. After a long day of holding it all together, by the time they return home, they’re emotionally spent and in need of a release - and what better place to do this then at home and with you - at their safe space, free of judgement. However, this leaves you with picking up the pieces and managing their meltdowns, which can often be triggered quite easily whilst school is still adjusting. 

Here are some strategies to assist in navigating and managing after school meltdowns: 

1. Food/Snacks: Often our kids have forgotten to eat their lunch, or they were too busy playing. Let’s face it - they may be hungry! Incorporating snack time into your child’s after school routine can help regulate appetite and prevent meltdowns associated with hunger. Keeping some snacks in the car like fruits, nuts, cheese sticks or crunchy foods which are great to help regulate the sensory system. Sometimes, it can be best to first let your child eat, chill out and then ask about their day. 

2. Encourage communication: Encourage your child to talk about their day, including any challenges or frustrations they may have faced. The most common question is “how was your day?” or “how was school?”. Try changing it up and asking questions like “What was the best part of your day?”, “Did anything upset you today?” or “Did anything feel unfair today?”. This creates an environment where your child feels comfortable expressing their feelings and can help them verbally communicate whatever is bothering them to then aid in preventing a meltdown. 

3. Sensory regulation: If your child experiences sensory overwhelm, designate a quiet and peaceful space in your home where your child can unwind after school. Minimise distractions and sensory stimuli to help them relax and decompress. On the other hand, if your child is sensory seeking they need more input to regulate their bodies and nervous system. This can look like providing chewy foods, music, jumping, rolling, crawling. The goal is to fill their sensory cup and keep them regulated. Plus remember one’s sensory system needs regulating every 90-120 mins! So if it hasn’t been regulated throughout the day there is a lot to potentially catch up on, so to speak.

4. Establish a Routine: Develop a consistent after-school routine that includes time for relaxation, regulation, snacks, and homework (if applicable). Predictability can help ease the transition and provide a sense of security for your child. Visual aids/schedules can be useful in creating this predictability. 

5. Validate Emotions: Let your child know that it's okay to feel overwhelmed or upset after a long day at school. Validate their emotions and offer empathy and understanding. One technique we find effective is the Four R’s approach: “Relate, Regulate, Respond, Reflect”. Using the four R’s to manage a meltdown involves first relating to the child’s emotions by acknowledging their feelings, such as, “I can see you are feeling really upset right now,  but its not okay to hit your brother”. Next, focus on regulating their emotions. This may involve co-regulation, where you help soothe your child until they are more regulated, or self-regulation if they have the ability to do so. Once your child is more regulated (this may take a while, and it may even be the next day until you move on to the next step) you can respond by engaging in a discussion to identify the underlying triggers of their emotions, for example, “What happened before? Were you tired or hungry? Is something bothering you?” . Then comes reflection, which allows both you and your child to learn and grow from the experience.